Proximate Family

I am not encouraging our children to kick the dirt of this town off their shoes, travel the world, find a faraway spouse, and begin a home in a different time zone or country. Sure, I'd be delighted to have them nearby, but I say this for them more than for me.

Life is so much easier—especially with children—when extended family is near. And while our teenage kids may not even notice it now (fish don't know they're in water), what a great gift to have close relationships with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and second-cousins.

Maybe our children will end up planting themselves in some distant land. Who knows? But why would I encourage them to do that? What is the upside for them? Different food? More money?

Why would I encourage them to design their lives in such a way where they will never be able to rely on the proximate assistance of family members; where their children won't know their sibling's children or their cousins' children; where their grandmother might only occasionally hold their babies; where their aunts and uncles will very rarely find the opportunity to offer them gentle encouragement; and so forth?

Yes, fertility rates fall with industrialization and urbanization, but I suspect it's not merely living in the city that causes the drop, I think it's being far from a trusted support network. What is the fertility rate of women who have four close family members within five miles versus those who have none? I bet it's different!

And just as the benefits to the individual of proximate family compound the more one has around them, so do the challenges of atomization:

What happens when a young adult stumbles and they are all alone? When I look at the vast and growing population of people living on the streets, I wonder how much of it is because they had so little family nearby when they suffered some unexpected blow.

And imagine what happens to society when all families encourage all children to flee home. How do you care for your town if you're new and unconnected to the people in it? Can you really support your lonely elderly neighbor if you barely know her? And can you really be supported if no one knows you? A state—even a wealthy one—might provide some sort of institutionalized shelter, but it will never love you.

Now imagine what happens when extended families stay close. The benefits compound.